Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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