so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The best revenge is premature balding
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
