Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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