1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
