I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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