A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
