??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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