lets start a swedish sibling band together
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
