What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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