All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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