Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
