I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
