its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
