I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
