come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
