Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
