Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
