Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
