Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
