there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
