I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
