Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
