so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
