the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
