i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
