Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
