we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
