I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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