I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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