I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
