I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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