you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
