Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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