So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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