I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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