between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
