So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
