Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
