matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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