just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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