Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
