JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
