ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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