For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
