I'm gonna have a badass scar
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
