Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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