i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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