Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
