In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
