your parents love me but you hate me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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