Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
