My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
